Tuesday, December 27

Cranes - Adoration



just the coolest video ever. and who knew... the lyrics:

It lies here slowly
It lets you know
It lingers slowly until you know
And I'm naked in your heart
I can't make it stop
I'm breaking in your heart
And I can't make it stop
I'd try and I can't make it stop
And I'd like it if you don't ever stop
In your heart, in your heart
I feel naked in your heart

I want to make you wonder
I want to make it start
And oh when it fills with wonder
I won't want to break it apart
And oh when the sky falls on me
And when it's another day
I'll want to make you want me
In always another way

I'd love to know you
And I'd love to be in your heart
Oh and i hope you'll stay
With the love that fills your hearts
Hey . . . hey . . .
And it always makes me cry
When I see the sky, your sky

Don't want to think about tomorrow
'Cos I think it's all too much
And oh if I could feel it in your touch
It's all too much now
These dreams just make me cry
And oh if we could only try . . .
Don't want to think about tomorrow
Ih 'cos it makes me smile
If we could only hold on for a little while
This is the sense of calm I longed for
Oh and it makes me high
And it brings me here

Monday, October 17

Diamond Sea- Sonic Youth

Moppy night. Had to wake up thinking about how beautiful listening to Sonic Youth is in Boston. The fall leaves, Longfellow bridge, Allston, Commonwealth, the Red Line, the Green Line, Gene, weird Halloween costumes, Sonic Youth, that Joy Division poster Rian gave me, 4w, the trampoline I jumped off and then smashed my face into the cement, Steer Roast, Bexley, Dan, awkward moments, walls, Yossarian the black cat, feeling left out, leaves scraping on the endless cement-full grounds around MIT, soul-ful moments, never going to Salem cept once, Mass Art arty shows, how epic blacklighted Bexment was, how un-grid-like Boston is, weird empty streets in Cambridge, Harvard, stomach hurting, Central Sq, love, love, love, and love. It all comes back to me, like yesterday.

What is this song about? I have no idea. It makes me so happy though.



Look into his eyes and you will see
that men are not alone on the diamond sea
sail into the heart of the lonely storm
and tell her that you'll love her eternally

Thursday, October 6

Occupy Wall Street

Very pretty video. Doesn't have to be pretty to make it an awesome movement either way, but they made it pretty too.

Occupy Everything from socially_awkwrd on Vimeo.

Thursday, September 29

Cormega - Testament

listen to this!

Wednesday, September 28

Saturday, September 24

Something kept taking me back to 9/11. I knew I didn't know the full story. World Trade Bldg. 7 made sense to me. It was due to explosive devices. But who would convince hijackers to commit suicide for a horrible cause? No one in their right mind would do that. People die for ideals, not for evil.

This now makes quite a bit of sense -- there was _no_ plane. The hijacked planes got rerouted. Then missiles hit the World Trade towers and the pentagon. The footage always looked extraordinary silly. And ever notice how people in NY never mentioned seeing a plane? It all happened "so fast" and most likely the buildings blocked might sight-wise. But who heard it? No one, it was never there.

There are a whole series of these.

People on the ground see no plane, but reporters who are watching a screen insist there was one.

Mobb Deep - Shook Ones pt II

Ahh Cormega is getting me back into hip hop. Mobb Deep, also from Queensbridge. An oldie.



Also this is a hilarious annotation of the lyrics. lol!

"Listen to the words of the song and take the advice it gives you: stay away or you will be killed, literally and lyrically"

Thursday, September 22

Hexagram 16 - Weaving Images

I'm still getting slowly familiarized with all the hexagrams. (I frequently get the same ones repeat over phases) but I got a new one today that I haven't gotten before - Weaving Images. My favorite sources for I Ching translations / commentary are LiSe Heyboer's translation and the Online Clarity community.

user: martin

16
Please wait, don't do anything, just listen, just feel ..
Listen to the sound of silence ..
And feel the waves of peace ..

Within the sound of silence you will hear other sounds, subtle sounds.
Within the waves of peace you will feel other waves, subtle waves.

Subtle signals ..
Do you hear them? Do you feel them?

If you don't, no need to worry, just wait.
The time will come. Just listen, just feel ...

Hey! Now don't fall asleep! Stay alert! Be ready!

But please wait. Just listen. Just feel.
When the time to act comes you will know it.
When the door opens you will hear it.
When the wall gives way you will feel it.

Just listen to the sound of rain ..
And feel the drops falling on your face ..
That is all you need to do.



user: micheline (posted at 11:11 :))

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours.
Haven't they carried you everywhere, up to now?

Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands.
And the desolation of lovers is the same:
that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.
Wait. Don't go too early.
You're tired.
But everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it,
it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows,
play itself into total exhaustion.
Galway Kinnell


Do you believe in synchronicity? Do you think it's unusual that these poems are speaking on a note that is identical, despite the latter being written unaware of this hexagram? Or that Kinnell used the word 'weaving' in "music of looms weaving all our loves again", while LiSe choose to translate this hexagram as "Weaving Images"? And that despite the ambiguity of the I Ching and its translations, I am always lead to the right place, the right page, with all the relevant poetry on it. It often seems to echo what is speaking inside myself already, at a greater amplitude. :]

Cormega - The True Meaning

Man, this is awesome. He's real.

Wednesday, September 21

It's my birthday! :-)

And I'm celebrating it by creating some computer art. I'm coming to realize I'm just a child of this generation, and I really have a soft spot for computer art over hand drawn art. I just love bucket fill. And, the options are so limitless. I included for example this bird, the Akohekohe, which apparently is native to the island of Maui!

Think of how lucky we are to create whatever art we'd like to create, whatever journey we'd like to set our soul down. One should never underestimate though that the process of creation is hard.

escape

Tuesday, September 20

something was said

I am excited to think that we are all moving back, back to a place of innocence. A place were I don't have visceral memories from, but only glimpses of the rawest feelings. When information was sweeping through and didn't know how to filter it out, catagorize, and stuff it aside yet. Feelings got the larger hold of me, and I wholly bent with their power.
College… early on, all I remember felt like a trip. Perhaps because it was. That really blew me away freshman year. I can't emphasize how much my perception of the world changed after psychedelics. I was an entirely new person. But more confused than ever. But I do remember strange little things like, the night and people glowing like deep neon colors. But not glow sticks, I mean their souls.
And the goings and comings of things. And how we all kept meeting at the same places, realizing we had been going nowhere all along. But the act of pretending we were doing something, or that something was happening was growing tiring to me. I felt like something somewhere _was_ happening. The only moments I realized anything was happening was when I zoomed back far enough, beyond the walls of the rooms, beyond the shapes of the buildings, out to the sky, out above the Boston skyline, and saw unreal beauty. And realized I was in a picture. A 4 dimensional painting.
And the days were perfect. I remember the Fall. The first Fall was the best, because my filters were down. All I could do was be in awe, as things got cold and our souls sunk deeper.
And I dug up some haikus I wrote around 2005. So awesome, many were about the Fall.

a new morning
dried leaves blowing
like empty pages

Somewhere along the way, I sat with you completely exposed. My heart I mean. And we felt how linked we were. Somewhere along the way, something you did caused me to misinterpret that something was wrong with me. And that I had to close this heart. And I made a mistake by interpreting your alarm as a reason to close my heart. I should have loved you all the more. But it was hard.
Tearing down these walls and refusing the boundaries I've since created for myself is returning back to innocence.
And today as I sat eating lunch watching all the Berkeley students walking by, I thought about my own college experience… high school experience.. etc. And I thought about how deeply I felt I was in a rat race. We all do, don't we? We're constantly comparing ourselves and judging ourselves by supposed criteria.
Well a revolutionary thought came to mind… all of that comparing is the underlying problem. There is nothing to compare to. To return back to innocence, we have to stop ourselves at every single judgement we make and say "to make a judgement is a fallacy in itself."

It's as if that function in the thinking brain was really supposed to be used for the most mechanical things, but we've been building comparisons from thin air and implementing them as if they have any truth simply because the masses have bought into them. But they still have no truth.

Returning back to innocence is undoing the way our mind has been working. I can't wait, because innocence is such a pleasantly simple and delightful state.

something was said
but now I see it was
all noise

Monday, September 19

Byron Katie

A friend suggested Byron Katie to me, and it's taken me a while to look into her work, but yesterday I did so. Right off the bat, I knew her work resonated with me because from what I understand, she asks a simple set of questions for any circumstance, and challenges the mind. We don't challenge our own minds enough when we begin to get affected by the emotions it is creating in us. We become so stuck in our emotions, we don't question deeply enough if there is a good reason that we should be feeling this at all in the first place. When we cannot detach from our emotions, it becomes a feedback effect, amplifying the situation.

I got a hold of the essence of her work, which is remarkably simple yet stunningly powerful. She asks you to pick a situation which involves someone who you haven't forgiven yet, and see this as a mirror of your relationship with yourself. "This is the most powerful place to begin. Even if you‟ve forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren‟t free until your forgiveness is complete. The 1 percent you haven‟t forgiven them is the very place where you‟re stuck in all your other relationships (including your relationship with yourself)." she says.

Then you fill out a worksheet answering questions about the situation, being as petty and emotional about the situation as you can possibly be -- triggering a relieving emotional release. Then you turn it around, as if you are now standing back from the thoughts and doing some operations on them, almost scientifically. After you've altered them to ideas that you wouldn't have come up with intuitively, you can marvel at how moving these new concepts are.

I liked her questions a lot, but after working through it once last night, I found these questions to be most relevant for me, so I thought I'd share them. :)!

1 What and who is making you feel wrong?
2 What do they need to be in order to make you feel happy?
3 Why do you feel they are doing this?
4 What is it that you don't want to experience?

5 When reading #1, how do you feel?
6 When reading #2, how do you feel?
7 How are you sure #3 is correct?
8 Can you feel happy for the person for making the choices they are making?
9 Turn #3 around. What if that was the case?
10 Turn it all around. Put "I" in replacement of the other person.

11 Why are you causing your unhappiness? What are you trying to achieve?
12 What would it take for you to achieve this?
13 Now, realize, you already have it.

Below, I'll input a sample response so you can see how it's done. First, a great quote from Byron Katie:

"Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought happened, didn't."

1 What and who is making you feel wrong?

I thought Allison and I would become good friends but she hasn't been making any time to hang out with me even though I've offered many times.
I see Allison hanging out with Phil and wonder what kind of special connection they have that I could not have.
Allison is so elusive when I ask her what she is up to and she never includes me in any of her plans.
I could write her off, but she's expressed that she really connects with me at other times, and I feel very good when she is around.
Allison is making me feel inadequate.

2 What do they need to be in order to make you feel happy?

Allison should be more interested in me and should make time for me so that we can become good friends. She also should share more about her life and include me in her experiences so our bond can grow.

3 Why do you feel they are doing this?

She must be doing this because her life is going so well, that she doesn't have time or interest to incorporate me into it. She seems so busy always.

4 What is it that you don't want to experience?

I don't like being around someone who I like, but who does not pay attention to me. I feel stuck speaking to her about it because she is shameless about saying she doesn't have enough time for the next few months and that makes me feel rejected.

5 When reading #1, how do you feel?
Relieved emotionally from having it expressed. Why am I stuck to her response to me?
6 When reading #2, how do you feel?
It sounds like I do not like Allison for who she really is and how she prefers to be acting.
7 How are you sure #3 is correct?
No I am not sure. But I am not sure why she doesn't feel like incorporating me into her life wouldn't make her happier. But back to the point, no I am not sure it is correct. Perhaps she does things for different reasons than I assume.
8 Can you feel happy for the person for making the choices they are making?
Yes, because it seems like her relationship with Phil is making her happy. And she seems to be growing into a beautiful woman day by day. I love her.

9 Turn #3 around. What if that was the case?

She must be doing this because her life is not going well. Hm, interesting. Maybe it's not. I have no idea.

10 Turn it all around. Put "I" in replacement of the other person.

#1 - I thought I and I would become good friends but I haven't been making any time to hang out with me even though I've offered many times.

I wonder what kind of special connection I could not have with myself.

This is interesting - I don't think I haven't been making time for my own self persay. But the latter point made me realize that perhaps I am envious of the relationship _Allison_ has with herself!

#2 - I should be more interested in me and should make time for me so that we can become good friends. I should also share more about my life and include me in my experiences so our bond can grow.

Wow, echos what I thought above. Perhaps the key thing is time with myself spent interested in myself!

#4 - I want to experience being around someone who I like, who does not pay attention to me.

I guess the right way to write this is more like "I can experience…" etc rather than want, but yes, it would be nice to be able to experience this without discomfort.

11 Why are you causing your unhappiness? What are you trying to achieve?

I am trying to get my own attention … to learn to be more independent in my own experience.

12 What would it take for you to achieve this?

13 Now, realize, you already have it.

Yay!

Anyway, so that's an example. I feel like it can really get down to the root of some very interesting issues in your mind! : )

Friday, September 16

Open Street Map

I like the vector graphics view on Open Street Map soooo much better than on Google Maps. I have no idea why I didn't stumble on this before.


Look at how adorable Treasure Is. looks! But very simple and pleasant for the eyes to look at.


Emphasis on trails. Great color choices.


Wetlands are well-designated.

My only criticism at the moment is that their legend is severely user unfriendly. Otherwise I love it!

week 1

Ahhh, end of a long grueling week, but it felt soooo good to be working my arse off. Good like it's never felt before. I used to really get stressed out when working. I had these flashbacks today to sitting in an empty office in the giant computer science building at Rutgers that my dad worked at. He stuffed me into an empty room one summer in an attempt to perhaps teach me things and put me to work so that I could put it on my college application. Nonetheless, the experiment was a failure. I don't remember what I did. But I think it was simply try very hard. And repeatedly get frustrated.

All I remember were little things like - marveling at how unused this barren-feeling room was. And yet, it had a happy energy around it. Like it was smiling every day as the sun shone on it through its large window, overlooking the New Jersey skyspace. And the area itself was very potent for me. Just a short walking distance away was Marvin Lane, a grad student residence that my family lived at for 5 years when we first moved to the states. Those were my ages 5-10. There were good memories, but there were also bittersweet memories of emptiness and loneliness.

My dad's office hadn't changed since he moved to the states. There was something about him too, that I felt like wouldn't let go. And it's almost as if he passed off his perspectives and views on work to me at one point, in a subconscious way that he did not know, and throughout my life, as his daughter, I felt the same core problem but tried to deny it.

So that summer, I was a teenager at the end of my high school years. There was no way he could get me to do anything. I just moaned and complained and any advice he'd try to give me felt like too much. I excitedly ran off to MIT, and now have landed my dream job working at another university. And so ultimately, have landed back where he left me. And through all my experiences have only gotten closer and closer to the heart of him.

But I remember these unusual sandwiches my mother started to pack me that summer. That was almost around the advent of my digestive pains, so my mom, out of a great kindness during that period of time when she was enthused about sending me off to a great university, started to make sandwiches for me. She never did that. That wasn't her style. She was a financial analyst who left what I ate up to me, but she starting to make me this, which I remember really tasted like she had put the special ingredient of her love into them. In the center they often had a giant hard boiled egg, often still a bit creamy. And around that, avocado, lettuce, tomato, carrots, other veggies, and some delicious sauce she concocted.

I typically would not like or remember such things, particularly because eating food has given me pain for some many years, so I rarely have stunningly positive memories from any of my meals. But in this sterile office, after nearly pulling my hair out over nothing, and feeling my intestines eat themselves alive because of all the stress I carried... I ate these gooey messy sandwiches which were filling and large... and that was perfect. That I remember, bite by bite. And naturally I felt horribly sick afterwards..bleh.

That was my life and my absence of it. And reaching through the few books on the bookshelf on the room and finding a book of holocaust images strangely placed there. It's my dad's scientific and detached perspective that really confounds me sometimes. There were images of people mutilated by the war and descriptions of what was done to them, like castration. And yet... the book just quietly sat there in this sterile rarely used office in the middle of New Jersey.

I of course was deeply affected and had no way to press a 'stop' button on my emotions, so one day I remember spending just doing that - crying and feeling traumatized over all the images I had just encountered.

I felt like I was so young and still so unexposed to the world. So affected by everything. But everyone told me I was about to become an adult. When would that happen though? I was unable to work on my own. I was only used to working under pressure and instruction. I could not emotionally handle the things I casually encountered. And my physical health rendered me unable to sit in a chair normally for long periods of time. I just felt raging pain. So I was pretty certain if I got anywhere in life, it would be by a sheer miracle and subsequently had little faith in myself.

And then there was that empty feeling I got when I looked out the window. New Jersey always seemed too quiet. 'Empty' is really the only right word to use. I can't pin it down.

But there was some lingering depression from my childhood, as if it was supposed to all build up to something, and all the pain of moving here from my comfortable and beautiful Croatia was supposed to justify itself. But it wasn't what I expected, this Disney land of freedom. I had quiet angst about it.

So back to the empty room. I actually felt happy there, if I didn't think about how pointless that experience was. And how poorly efficient I was at making good use of my time. I clearly remember just staring into space there. Marveling at how absent it felt of any energy at all. Esp. emotional energy. But it was comforting too. It was happy, light, airy, spacious, empty, quiet, beaming, unknown, unused, and ah.. I forget what else I need to say about this. But that's what came up today, and that made me happy. Either way, I'm happy to be where I am right now. I experience myself as the same person, and much less of a train wreck. :-)

Tuesday, September 13

Sunday, September 11

I stumbled upon more videos that challenge the HIV/AIDS idea... very fascinating.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Remembering 9/11



Saturday, September 10

MOdELS


Lol, oh the things you find.

Superfund sites

The internet continues to weave me into fascinating places. I am grateful for all the information we have access to, in this very dark age. Ie Superfund sites, which undoubtedly industries and the government would like to keep as obscure information, so as to not create alarm, and not reveal their true importance. It really is ludicrous the games they gamble with our lives. As they hook us up, as if on drugs to media and BS, while poisoning us and our earth is something we shouldn't ask dwell too much in... being informed about it is disregarded as hypochondriac and paranoid. Yet we hear nothing about it. Go live your own stupid lives and stop looking here we are constantly being told! I pity the ones who trust them, or think that it is worthwhile to take the easy path and not challenge every since way of being we are instructed in. This has often been my own pysche... but I am grateful that life hasn't allowed things to be that easy.

From the EPA: "Superfund is the federal government's program to clean up the nation's uncontrolled hazardous waste sites. We're committed to ensuring that remaining National Priorities List hazardous waste sites are cleaned up to protect the environment and the health of all Americans."


Superfund sites (red, active) according to Wikipedia.

"EPA added the Global Sanitary Landfill site in Old Bridge, New Jersey to the Superfund National Priorities List on March 30, 1989 due to hazardous chemicals found in the soil and ground water. The 60-acre site located in Middlesex County was licensed by the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection (NJDEP) to accept non-hazardous waste. The landfill borders Cheesequake Creek Tidal Marsh on three sides. In 1984, the State had to close the landfill after part of its southern side collapsed and slid into the marsh. The State observed that the area of the marsh affected by the landfill contained volatile organic compounds (VOCs) which are potentially harmful contaminants that can easily evaporate into the air. It was later determined that drums containing paint, paint thinner, and various other solvents were buried in the landfill, and when the landfill collapsed these solvents contaminated the ground water. This posed a danger for the nearby water supplies as well as Cheesequake State Park and Raritan Bay, which are used for recreational activities."

The 57-acre Hopkins Farm site is one of seven similar hazardous waste sites located in the vicinity of Plumsted Township. From 1962 to 1965, the Hopkins Farm site allegedly was used by Thiokol Chemical Company for the disposal of drummed and bulk wastes. Pesticides, volatile organic chemicals (VOCs), and heavy metals are among the contaminants found on site. The site is in a wooded area immediately north of an active farm. The town nearest to the site is New Egypt, approximately 2 miles to the southwest. The Fort Dix Military Reservation is approximately 3 miles to the south. Approximately 1,000 residences are located within a 1-mile radius of the site.

The Sayreville Landfill is an inactive municipal landfill covering approximately 30 acres in a moderately industrialized area of Middlesex County. The site was one of a number of disposal operations located along the tidal South River. The Borough of Sayreville owned and operated the site as a municipal landfill beginning in 1970. It was licensed to receive municipal waste and light industrial waste; however, hazardous waste was allegedly disposed of during operations, and after closure in 1977. Part of the site is in a wetland adjacent to the South River. Approximately 67,000 people live within a 3-mile radius of the site; the closest residence is located 1/2 mile away. Because of the tidal influence and the infusion of salt water, private wells in the area are not used. The Sayreville and Perth Amboy well fields are located within three miles of the site. There are other municipal wells in the vicinity which are tested regularly.

Phenol, heavy metals including iron and manganese, volatile organic compounds (VOCs), and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs), were detected on-site in shallow monitoring wells. On-site surface water was found to be contaminated with cadmium and lead. On-site sediments also contained toluene and trichloroethylene (TCE). Benzene, arsenic, and chloroform were detected in on-site soils. Groundwater and leachate from the landfill apparently migrate into the South River. However, due to mixing and other factors, significant contamination from the landfill has not been detected in the South River's waters, which flow into the Raritan River.

EPA added the Middlesex Sampling Plant (MSP) site to the National Priorities List on January 19, 1999 due to the presence of radiological and chemical contamination. The approximately 9.6-acre Superfund site in Middlesex, New Jersey was part of the nation’s early atomic energy program established by the Manhattan Engineer District in 1943. The contaminants identified when cleanup began in the 1980s were radioactive particles in the uranium and radium decay series, various metals (arsenic, chromium, and lead) and volatile organic compounds. Site investigations and monitoring indicated that elevated levels of contaminants were present in soils, sediments, groundwater beneath the site, and surface water moving through the site.

During the twenty five years Fried Industries operated at this location, the company manufactured floor finishing products, aqueous detergent solutions, adhesives, and algaecides on this site in East Brunswick Township in Middlesex County. Fried Industries also produced chemical products from components such as toluene and 1,1,1-trichloroethane. At times, site facilities were leased to other companies for the manufacture of automotive antifreeze products. The site property occupies 26 acres and contains a pond, a marsh area, and several separate wetlands areas. A building complex also existed at the site prior to its demolition. The site is located in the northwest corner of East Brunswick Township on the border with the Borough of Milltown. The site was once the location of a sand and clay quarry. In 1983, EPA found that hazardous wastes were improperly stored on site, and that the soil was contaminated with volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and arsenic. Further examination of the site through 1984 revealed deteriorated buried drums as well as evidence of improper handling, storage, and disposal of hazardous materials. Conditions at the site resulted in contamination of the soil and ground water, with seepage into the ground, threatening the underlying Farrington Sand aquifer. About 7,000 people live in the adjacent Borough of Milltown; approximately 43,000 people live in the Township of East Brunswick.

I'll just say the list for NJ seemed about as long as the list for CA. Hmmm

One more interesting Wikipedia tidbit: "Approximately 70 percent of Superfund cleanup activities historically have been paid for by parties responsible (PRPs) for the cleanup of contamination. The only time cleanup costs are not borne by the responsible party is when that party either cannot be found or is unable to pay for the cleanup. For those sites, the Superfund law originally paid for toxic waste cleanups through a tax on petroleum and chemical industries. The chemical and petroleum fees were intended to provide incentives to use less toxic substances. Over five years, $1.6 billion was collected, and the tax went to a trust fund for cleaning up abandoned or uncontrolled hazardous waste sites. The last full fiscal year in which the Department of the Treasury collected the tax was FY1995. At the end of FY1996, the invested trust fund balance was $6.0 billion. This fund was exhausted by the end of FY2003; since that time funding for these orphan shares has been appropriated by Congress out of general revenues."

New Jersey

Ever since I tried to create a personal map of the landfill in relation to my house yesterday and got severely frustrated, despite trying several programs including My Maps in Google Maps itself, I've started digging through map apps today. I greatly enjoy wikimapia because it has sort of human relevant landmarks and annotations on it that help me get a perspective of the area I'm looking at.

I resorted to making a hand drawn map, and today I've been examining all the neighborhoods around the town I lived in, East Brunswick, and gathering a list of places I'd like to visit when I go back. I never realized how close I was to Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Staten Is, Newark, etc. We rarely left EB, barely went to the City. I also had a bad visual perspective of Manhattan and the surrounding Jersey areas for a long time simply because Long Is trips me up with the way it extends out from the NY state, often making my mind lazy enough to forget that Manhattan is actually quite land-surrounded.



tristate

tristate2
And here are some of the spots that appealed to me to take a peek at

Friday, September 9

Edgeboro landfill



No wonder it was such a sad place. I always felt that... it was such a sad place. And I lived so close to the water. The water was crying, no doubt. Man, what a pity.

Here are some of the links I sent to my parents today, to make them feel a little guilty for living there for 6 years. (and elsewhere in East Brunswick for another 2). And for not understanding that NJ sucks, but particularly what ill spirited lazy humans are doing to it, who do not care at all for the environment or the people who live around it.

"Landfills emit methane and other gases that must be captured or burned off. In the cases of the two in East Brunswick, the systems in place were not collecting enough emissions, the federal agencies said. That Middlesex County had built on top of the capped landfill exacerbated the problem and made it difficult to collect emissions, the EPA said."

"Edgeboro is a mess," he said. "It's long overdue for the landfill to be closed. Instead, Middlesex County came in and is dumping on top of it, industrial wastes in addition to municipal garbage."

" The Edgeboro landfill did not have an adequate landfill gas collection and control system in place, which allowed excessive amounts of landfill gases to escape into the surrounding area. The facilitys air pollution control devices were also not operated properly, and various types of monitoring were not conducted.

landfill

The nonmethane organic compounds (NMOC) in landfill gas contain volatile organic compounds and hazardous air pollutants that can result in adverse effects to the respiratory system, damage to the nervous system and cancer. "

"For over a decade, solid waste discharged directly from Edgeboro Landfill into the Raritan River. "

"Edgeboro Disposal Inc. has been treating the Raritan River like its own private garbage can, instead of the resource that it is," Spiegel said, noting that he would like to see daily fines issued by the DEP until the issues are resolved at the landfill."

The place I lived in seriously has the spirit of one of the loneliest forgotten uncared for places on earth. It's hard to describe how this happens in a semi-urban area. It's just awful. There's no better way to describe it other than, someone took a shit on it.

===

PS. I found some cool aerial images of this area throughout history. My parents bought a townhouse in a tacky housing development that was built in 1996 so you don't have to go that far back to see a nice habitat in that area.


1995 before the development was built (see exposed soil)


1979 it looks like there was some type of man made(?) pool there


1954... wow it's all green! no wonder they call it the garden state! and look there were farms along Rt 18, and over the plot of land where the East Brunswick Mall is now. Darn.. who knew that plot of land was ever being used for something useful :-P


1947... no one here! it was farmland


1931... quite wild! :-)

Thursday, September 8

Wednesday, September 7

Plastic Fish



Neat video on why you shouldn't eat fish! by the guy who made JUNK and navigated around.

Tuesday, September 6

92% of Afghans unaware of 9/11

Fascinating, esp relevant given 9/11 is in a few days.

Saturday, September 3

Afx

God this is good!

Friday, September 2

Crvena Jabuka


Seriously is this not the best album cover you've ever seen?

Crvena Jabuka = Red Apple

A croatian band that was big in the 80s, that my parents were into. They have some really good stuff. Brings back nostalgia for me.

Thursday, September 1

Critters

IMGP0518
This dragonfly my roommate found still on a leaf deep in our backyard. She thought it was dead though it was tightly clinging to this branch and petted it freely and the dragonfly did not react. However, we later found it was in some sort of state of hibernation after it flew away after we prodded it enough. It was quite stunning though, as it was sooo large. And to see it up close was really cool.

IMGP0529
A little kitty from the neighborhood came to visit so I was trying to play with it with a bushy tailed plant Mary left me.

Wednesday, August 31

Cinderella Complex

This is an excellent book written in 1981. I was cleaning out the shelf downstairs and stumbled upon it. Thought I'd skim through it and then couldn't put it down.

Some excerpts from the book:
As Simone de Beauvoir observed so astutely over a quarter of a century ago, women accept the submissive role to "avoid the strain involved in undertaking an authentic existence." This flight from stress had become my hidden goal. I had slipped back- lounged back really, as into a large tub of tepid water- because it was easier.

Men and women students were asked to write imaginative stories based on a clue, a lead sentnece designed to get test respondents thinking and feeling along certain lines. This was a the clue for the women students: "At the end of the first term finals Anne finds herself at the top of her medical school class." (For male students the clue was the same, with "John" at the top of the class instead of Anne.) [...] Dr Horner considered it a sign that Fear of Success was operating if students made statements indicating that they expected negative consequences to follow on the heels of any outstanding academic success. Negative consequences included the fear of being socially rejected or losing one's eligibility as a date or marriage partner, and fear of becoming isolated, lonely, or unhappy as a result of succeeding.

Rather than risk a live without love, women apparently will give up a great deal-- drop out, turn their ambitions back, flee anxiously into the anonymity of the Eighty Percent... More than anything women wanted to experience themselves in relationship with another.

It was beginning to become apparent that this conflict over working is strongly related to class. In Matina Horner's studies the women who were most disturbed about the possibility of future success tended to come from middle and upper middle class homes with successful fathers - father not unlike the current Ivy League men, who want non achieving women for wives. In these homes, the mother either didn't work at all or worked in less than a fully committed, professional way.
The women who weren't so hung up on success came from lower-class home with mothers who were often better educated than their husbands and who usually worked throughout their lives. the daughters of these women didn't experience a conflict between achievement and femininity because they had grown up seeing the two happily integrated in their mothers.
The relation between class distinction and women's conflict became even more obvious when, in later studies, Horner turned up a fascinating parallel between white women and black men. Both it turns out, are notably more anxious about succeeding than white men or black women.

"This tendency we have to scale ourselves down, to step back from our natural abilities rather than risk the loss of love is what I have termed the Gender Panic- the new confusion about our feminine identity. Rather than experience the anxiety of doing, we don't do."

Horner continues her studies, now she only used as her subjects the "liberated" young women of late Sixties and early Seventies. What she found contradicted all our media formed impressions of the New Women: to wit, an even higher proportion of women were showing a Fear of Success.

Women pay a higher price for their anxiety about succeeding. Martina Horner and her co-researchers concluded that able young women often inhibit themselves from even seeking success. In mixed sex competitive situations they will do more poorly than they could and many who end up succeeding in spite of themselves try to downgrade their performance afterwards. These women are not comfortably experiencing their own power and excellence. Confused and anxious, they will lower their career aspirations rather than experience discomfort.

(After a fascinating story of Simone de Beauvoir's loss of sense of self, and self-worth after falling in love with Jean-Paul Sartre, and becoming swept up in bliss .. after a year in this state, after losing her zest for writing and idea-making, she took a teaching job far away and spent a year alone. She spent quite a bit of time going on solitary walks and treks, sometimes risking her life.) What does it mean to become ones own person? It means to take responsibility for one's own existence. To create one's own life, to devise one's own schedule. Simone de Beauvoir's hikes became both the method and the metaphor for her rebirth as an individual. "Alone I walked in the mists that hung over the summit of Sainte Victorie, and trod along the ridge of the Pilon de Roi, bracing myself against violent wind which sent my beret spinning down inro the valley below. Alone again, I got lost in a mountain ravine on the Luberon range. Such moments, with all the warmth, tenderness, and fury, belong to me, and no one else." (So beautiful!)

It is when we assume the responsibility for our own problems that the center of gravity begins to make that crucial shift from the Other to the Self. at this point something remarkable happens. More energy becomes available to us. Energy that used to get lost in the Energy Leak, as we exhausted ourselves repressing those aspects of our personalities that we felt were unacceptable or frightening.

Tuesday, August 30

Darkwave

This is like some kind of early 80s gothic dream.

Clan of Xymox




His hair needs to come back. Everything about this video is peaceful, like early hours of the morning peaceful, coming back from the airport peaceful, new jersey streaks across the newark sky peaceful.

Amazing french coldwave from around the same time. - Opéra de nuit

Monday, August 29

Sunday, August 28

Visage - In the year 2525

Do you think this could happen? :)



In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find

In the year 3535
Can't tell the truth, can't tell no lies
Everything you think, do, or say
Is in the pill you took today

In the year 4545
Won't need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to do
Nobody's gonna look at you

In the year 5555
Your arms are hanging limp at your sides
Your legs got not nothing to do
Some machine is doing that for you

In the year 6565
Won't need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your sons, pick your daughters too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

In the year 7510
If God's a-comin' he ought to make it by then
Maybe he'll look around himself and say
Guess it's time for the Judgement day

In the year 8510
God is gonna shake his mighty head
He'll either say I'm pleased where man has been
Or tear it down and start again

In the year 9595
I'm kinda wondering if man is gonna be alive
He's taken everything this old earth can give
And he ain't put back nothing

Now it's been 10,000 years
Man has cried a billion tears
For what he never knew
Now man's reign is through
But through the eternal night
The twinkling of starlight
So very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday

Gary Numan - Down in the Park

This guy is fascinating. I love the peculiarity to the way he moves. Synthpop tends to really shadow how dark lyrics can be. It's interesting. Synthpop makes me ultra happy, ultra ridiculous. That's why I've been all over it lately.



down in the park
where the chant is death, death, death
until the sun crise morning
down in the park with friends of mine

Friday, August 26

Left in the dark

I am enjoying this new book I am reading called "Left in the Dark", a hypothesis on human evolution, the left-right brain, and how humans were affected by early diets based primarily on fruit.

Notes

- he speaks about left brain dominance in our culture. it is usually responsible for concepts like time, sequence, speech and language

- the right brain is know for creativity, spatial awareness and pattern recognition

- e.a. serafetinides administered lsd-25 to patients w/o a right brain and they did not experience hallucinations or mind expanded states. this was not true in participants w/o a left brain. => so are these experiences controlled by the right brain?

- autistic savants often are males whose over production of testosterone has damaged parts of the left brain. a nine year old boy because a genius mechanic after a bullet went thru his left brian. there are other examples of this. => does damage to the left brain "free" up the right brain?

- betty edwards in "drawing on the right side of the brain" : "the dominant left verbal hemisphere doesnt want too much information about the things it percieve - just enough to recognize and categorize. the left brain, in this sense, learns to take a quick look and says 'right thats a chair'. because the brain is overloaded most of the time with incoming info, it seems that one of its function is to screen out a large proportion of incoming perceptions"

- when right hemi is damaged speech is usually monotone and female or male voices becomes impossible to discern

- sleep is less needed by right hemi than left, so after sleeplessness, one becomes more ambidextrous and the right hemi becomes more dominant

- no right hemi leads to low memory, mechanistic, unemotional behavior, monotone voice, processing of a bit of information linearly at a time. do not appreciate subtly, take things literally, do not understand jokes, bad facial recognition, low spatial orientation, bad shape matching. they experience 'left side neglect' and ignore the left side of their body exists, like forgetting to shave left side of face or not eating from the left side of their plate, or denying its existence. if looking at a picture of snow, they have a hard time saying its winter until they are told its January. so they categorize & classify well.

- no left hemi leads to reduction of vocabulary. gestures preferred; no right side neglect; names forgotten but faces recognized; respond appropriately in emotional situations; lost ability to assign verbal name to visual symbol

- scizophrenia = hearing voices, breaking down sense of I, no time consciousness, disintegration of body feeling; more activity in right hemi and more time between switching of hemi. use

- hypnotized female asked to go back to a happy time in childhood but instead goes back to a traumatizing time... she was told the birth of a sibling would be happy but instead her mother experienced great pain and needed to get taken away by an ambulance. her right brain stored true emotions, her left brain stored info that this was categorically a happy time

- "the inhibiting effect of the left hemisphere is illustrated clearly when we awaken from sleep and promptly forget our dreams. we may have a fleeting sense of dreaming something but when the left brain clicks in, the dream images are largely lost. the left on waking reestablishes dominance. the dreams are lost because they did not happen there." when it comes to dream remembering, the harder we try the less we remember.. our rational brain kicks in. we need to not think but engage our _visual memory_.

- "as we age there is a tendency to talk more, to become less imaginative and more fearful.. all indicative of left hemi dominance"

- NLP originators said: "it would be easier to do therapy in a foreign language.. that way you would not have the illusion that the words you heard had the same meaning for the person who uttered them as they have for you. and believe me it is an illusion." ; words are the most disconnected way of expressing our direct experience; we re-energize spending time away from the left brain while on silent retreats

- people tend to choose the right most object in a sequence.. i remember i did this recently with a deck of wisdom cards.. i got the prince of clouds which was told to me to be about the logical mind... so interesting that it was my logical mind (left hemi) that was gravitating me in that direction

- remote viewing by hal puthoff & russell targ.. do we have the ability to accurately imagine scenes? the most important condition but 'a relaxed playful atmosphere & attitude'

- left hemi interference can be accomplished getting out of speech mode, reducing mind chatter....!

- fruit bats, parrots, and primates which all eat fruit have larger brain to body ratios. the former are sometimes called honorary primates because they can grasp concepts & categorize much like primates

- skeletons in forest climates are not easily perserved

- left hemi dominance is characterized by loads of self - denial. when people are asked to choose an attractive face which is swapped for an unattractive one, they justify this choice they did not make. right hemi missing people will have grossly exaggerated defense mechanisms to account for some wrong thing or will lie. they have surreal logic. called anosognosia and not present when left hemi is damaged

- left hemi creates a model, ego, a storyline and defend it. right hemi detect anomalies and tell the left - theory by ramachandran

- one reason we might have developed hairlessness was to capture more vitamin D while under the forest canopy. and did steroid suppressing chemicals in fruit inhibit the absorption of vit d and make direct absorption more essential?

- female hyenas have more testosterone than males and are the dominant and agressive sex

- early agrarian societies show people that had anemia, lived shorter, and were sicker that their ancestors

- lack of plant material in the fossil record results in an overemphasizing of meat eating

- australopithecus robustus teeth fall into fruit eating category; and ramapithecus; homo habilis has smooth enamel like chimps

- wild fruit has more protein than what we eat today

- humans very efficient at processing vegetable fiber from dicotyledenous sources... flowering plants... but not so much monocotyledens... grasses and cereals

- food going through a carnivores gut takes 7 to 26 hours but in a human it takes 40 to 60 hours... meat hanging around in there is toxic

- vit C is the main antioxidant in the blood; it concentrates in the brain area which is mainly unsaturated fat so it is more likely to need extra electrons to prevent oxidizing. it is in the cerebral spinal fluid to the blood by a ratio of 10:1

- if monkeys need 55mg of Vit C a day, humans would need 3,850 mg but we are told we only need 45 mg. great apes eat between 2 to 6 grams of Vit C a day

- we cannot synthesize Vit C but can do Vit D... so why would we depend on meat for it? its not very bioavailable

- unlike starches from grains, sugar has a lower glycemic index and are digested more slowly... avoiding glucose rush... chemicals in fruit also reduce sex hormones.. they are diametrically opposed to the effect of refined cereals which results in an excess of male hormones and acne

- humans have small teeth and cannot chase meat well; carnivore saliva is acid, humans saliva is alkaline where enzymes like amylase can break down starch

- sugar in wild fruit - glucose & fructose but in commercial fruit, it is bred for more sucrose content

- appleton central alt charter high studied behavior changes when they got rid of all junk foods in their schools

PS. I find this to be a pretty neat chart comparing Humans to Herbivores, Omnivores, and Carnivores :-)



Steroids
- steroids are fat-soluble organic compounds that occur naturally in plants & animals and are transformed in the body after a few steps into specific hormones. ie cholesterol which turns into testosterone, estrogen or progesterone in the reproductive system by the enzymes that lie there. or it becomes cortisol which is secreted by the outer layer of the adrenal glands in response to stress.

- steroids pass into the nucleus of a cell and regulate transcription that creates enzymes (chemicals that run cells actions) and proteins (which are for structure)

- hormones alter cellular operations - they change the types or quantities of important enzymes and proteins; they can also turn enzymes on or off;

- steroid hormones are an integral part of the mechanism that reads dna and dictates the structure and chemistry of what is built and how it works

- Example: when a person has a Y chromosome, it initiates the production of a protein called 'testes determining factor' which induces neutral gonadal cells to create a testes. once this has occurred, continued gender development is determined by the testes not the Y chromosome. the testes releases hormones like one that inhibits the development of a female reproductive tract.

-Dna = code or book; ribosome = reading equipment; hormones = tell ribosomes what to read

- taking different hormones can completely effect a process, regardless of what is written in the dna

- neuroendrocrinology - the brain regulates the glands in what hormones they produce. the neuroendocrine system is modified by the mothers system in the womb at birth, hypothesizes the author. and this affects the next gen. this lays down their hormone concoctions

- flavonoid rich diet severely inhibits the neo natal testosterone surge

- beta carbolines are produced in pineal gland; if taken in large doses are hallucinogenic; they inhibit steroids and fine-tune transmitter activity; prevent monoamine oxidase from breaking down seratonin & noradrenaline; the build up of these neurotransmitter at synapses allows greater neural activity.. causing hallucinations at some pt

- harmala alkaloids are beta carbolines in ayahuasca, assyrian rue, and passion flower in small quantities

- flavanoids inhibit MAO

- melatonin slows arrival of puberty and development of repro. hormones

- success rate matings:conception 5% in humans, 95% in animals

- bioflavanoids strengthen capillaries line uterus

- physical castration (or chemical) of sex offenders and serial murders reduced chance of reoffending by 20

- reducing testosterone levels reduces crime almost totally

- melatonin for contraception?

- DMT, derived from tryptophan, is quickly absorbed across the brain blood barrier and broken down by MAOs

- every neurotransmitter in the brain is in the gut too. gut uses 95% of bodies seratonin.

- for every one msg sent from the brain to the gut, 9 are sent from the gut to the brain

- melatonin protects from ulceration of gut by its antioxidant properties.

I read much of the book, skimmed over the rest. Overall, I would say it poses a lot of interesting questions which it leaves unanswered. It's ok to do that. My criticism is that his hypothesizes seem too far fetched without more data. It would be better to pose a list of them as what-ifs. I need more perspective from the other side to really understand if he is not cherry-picking information that suits his theories. Anyway, I learned quite a few interesting things overall. More things to study deeper into one day... :]

Thursday, August 25

Gary Numan - This Wreckage

Another one! Quite neat.

Wednesday, August 24

OMD - Messages

Brilliance.

Monday, August 22

Sisters of Mercy

I've been really into Sisters of Mercy lately, but I can only get into their album Floodland. It's the perfect mix between goth, synthpop, 80s, tacky, ridiculous, self-absorbed, excessive, etc.




Saturday, August 20

Friday, August 19

Tuesday, August 16

botany

Overall, I was not too impressed with Botany in a Day because it was way too dry with only black & white pictures. I couldn't do much mental mapping to what the flowers would actually look like. Perhaps its for someone more advanced. But I'm going to turn it in for a more colorful book.

On the plus side, I've learned about some cool plants. Like the Monkshood, which might be the most poisonous plant in the States.


It belongs to the Buttercup family. It is a well known poison, and in older times in Europe, warriors would put it at the end of their spears. It also is used in crimes.

Also, Anemone, another in the buttercup family.


And, the Columbine flower


Some interesting things I did make note of were the components of a plant. What we consider "medicinal" properties of a plant, are also conversely "poisonous". This is when we are treating disease with another complementary disease.


  • Carbohydrates
    • Monosaccharides (glucose, fructose, galactose)

    • Disaccharides (two sugars, ie Sucrose = glucose+fructose; Maltose = glucose + glucose)

    • Polysaccharides (many sugars; we often cannot digest these, proving our reliance on simple sugars )

      • Cellulose is a structural component of plants. white paper and cotton are nearly pure cellulose

      • Starches also fall in here which are a group that can be broken down by enzymes called amylases which we have some of)

      • Inulin is an indigestible carbohydrate that often feeds our gut bacteria, thus creating lots of gas. it is usually in a plants roots or seeds. but it can be converted to fructose by extended heating. I am against eating this as it seems clear our bodies are not designed to eat this. Common sources are dandelion, wild yam, jerusalem artichoke, chicory, jicama, chicory, burdock, mugwort, onion, garlic, agave ... generally roots.

      • Fructooligosaccharides (FOS) have essentially the same effects as inulin, as they are similar in structure. Read more about why these substances feed intestinal bacteria and damage your gut.

      • Mucilage is a thick, gluey substance found in aloe vera, cacti, okra, chia, flax seeds, and psyllium. These substances are often labelled demulcents. They are said to "soothe" mucous membranes as they coat them and relieve inflammation. But as inflammation is a healing process, they also can be seen as suffocating the membranes and creating a breeding & feeding ground for bacteria.

      • Pectin is found in the cell walls of plants, and is generally safe and goes through the digestive system intact. During ripening, it is degraded down within the fruit.

      • Gums are used as binding, thickening, or adhesive agents and are found in the woody parts of a plant or in seed coatings. Ie Agar agar or gum arabic or guar gum. Not parts of the plant humans typically eat.


On Starch and Glycogen

Starch is used by plants to store long chains of glucose, and its analogue in humans and animals is called glycogen. We do not store starch within ourselves. We break down any starch we may eat into simple sugars, and then store it as glycogen.

There are two ways humans store energy - fat and glycogen.

Glycogen is less compact than fat, but can be more quickly mobilized. It is a more immediate source of energy. It is stored in the liver and muscles.

When the body eats sugar or carbs, the blood absorbs glucose which then travels through the portal vein from the intestines to the liver. The pancreas secretes insulin into the blood and thus informs the liver cells to start building glycogen, which are enormously long chains of glucose.

After the meal, as insulin and glucose levels decrease, the creation of glycogen stops. For the next 8-12 hours, glycogen is the primary source of blood glucose used by the body for fuel.

Muscle cells also store a bit of glucose for their own internal use. They do not release glucose back into the blood as that is the function of the liver.

Similar to us, plants do not want to store glucose as is. It is soluble in water and thus binds to it, and takes up much space. Instead, starch is insoluble in water and is compact. Similar to glycogen, they are bound by easily hydrolyzed alpha bonds.


  • Glycosides are molecules in which a sugar (glycone) is bound to a non-carbohydrate moiety (a-glycone). Plants use this form to store chemicals (a-glycone) and thereby making them inactive. This is also a way to stabilize a poison. Animals and humans add sugars to poisons (a-glycone) and then eliminate them. The a-glycone must be separated from the sugar to become active. Crushing the plant in warm water is often enough. (Its own enzymes come into play). Generally the plant releases these if attacked or ground by a predators teeth.

    • Alcoholic - ie Salicin found in willow bark, which gets converted in the body to salicylic acid, closely related to aspirin - anti-inflammatory

    • Anthraquinone - Senna, rhubarb, aloe. laxative effect, "griping" effect on the bowels. often fat-soluble and digested by bile and expelled by large intestine.

    • Coumarin - found in the roots of the Angelica plants. can dilate the coronary arteries and block calcium absorption. found in sweet clover, indian breadroot, and many members of the parsley family. When coagulants they destroy vitamin K, reducing blood clotting; excessive consumption causes internal bleeding. Used in rat poison. Other types can make skin sensitive to sunlight (celery leaves).

    • Cyanogenic - contains a cyanide group. Reacts with the enzyme cytochrome oxidase which normally links oxygen to individual cells. The cyanide interrupts this and causes the cells to asphyxiate. The body can handle trace amounts by adding a molecule of sulfur to create thiocyanate. But is a poison in excess.

      Ie Amygdalin which is found in crushed apricot pits. The metabolism of which produces hydrogen cyanide, a potent toxin.

    • Flavonoid - the a-glycogen is a flavonoid. They are all known as anti-oxidants but have complicated interactions. ie Hesperidin in citrus fruits is anti-inflammatory and might act on the opioid receptors. Naringin gives grapefruit its bitter taste. Rutin is also found in citrus, asparagus, buckwheat, mulberries, etc. They are often used as dyes and are the reason for the changing color of the leaves. (flavonoids hidden by chlorophyll until the fall). They are toxic to mico-organisms and plants use them to fight infection.

      Anti-oxidants are chemicals that supply ample negative charge to cells which are in dearth of it. Free radicals are these cells that try to neutralize themselves by taking a negative charge from the oxygen molecules within the cells.

      Rich in fruits and vegetables.

    • Simple Phenol - ie Arbutin from bearberry. Used as a skin-lightener because it inhibits tyrosinase and so prevents melanin from forming. sounds fundamentally risky.

    • Cardiac - stimulate heart contractions. Digitalis of the Figwort family; Convallaria of Lily family; Helleborus and Adonis from the Buttercup family. Have a diuretic effect because through increased heart function, poisons release more easily. Very dangerous.

    • Saponin - these substances cause the rupturing of red blood cells. A poison that is not usually absorbed. Found in spinach, beans and tomatoes. Breaks down with prolonged cooking. Can be used instead of soap. Good at wiping off dirt but not oils; such as yucca root, buckbrush, snowberries, bouncing bet..) In licorice, ginseng too.

    • Steviol - responsible for "sweet" taste in the Stevia plant.

    • Thioglycosides - contain nitrogen and sulfur. Are acrid and irritating to the area applied, stimulating circulation there. Ie stimulating digestion. Are responsible for pungent taste of mustard plant. It is the result of crushing the plant, indicating that this is a possible defensive mechanism of the plant.

  • Tannins - Polyphenol that binds to proteins, amino acids, and alkaloids. Most common reason for the astringent taste. You run out of saliva because your tissues constrict and reject the food. Then after eating, one gets a diuretic effect. Occurs after the consumption of unripe fruit or red wine.

    There are two types - Hydrolyzable Tannins (Tannic Acid) and Non-Hydrolyzable. The former is broken down by water and is used in tanning leather. Commonly found in oak bark and heartwood. The heartwood is susceptible to bacterial invasion so tannins are toxins that prevent it from this. The tree uses the newer wood, which lies on the outer rims of the trunk (think of how the rims indicate age) to transport water and nutrients, leaving the inside mainly for structure. Both types are stored carefully in the plant to not hurt itself.

    The latter is found in tea, pomegranate seeds, grape seeds and skins. This we are more likely to ingest. These end up in wine.

    They "inhibit herbivore digestion by binding to consumed plant proteins and making them more difficult for animals to digest, and by interfering with protein absorption and digestive enzymes (for more on that topic, see plant defense against herbivory)."

    They are often in unripe fruit, but disappear once the fruit is ripe. They exist in nuts that can be eaten raw such as hazelnuts, walnuts, and pecans and are the reason we cannot eat raw acorns. They are present in various spices like cloves, tarragon, vanilla, cinnamon, cumin and thyme.

    They are generally known to be anti-nutritional and symptoms of overdose are ataxia (poor muscle coordination) and shortness of breath. They can inhibit the absorption of minerals, particularly iron. Thus it is recommended to drink tea or coffee between meals. Foods rich in Vitamin C can help counterbalance this effect on iron absorption.

  • Acids
    • Tannic Acid - see Tannins
    • Oxalic Acid - most plants that are rich in oxalic acid are also rich in calcium. They bind together in the digestive tract and are excreted. Though oxalic acid inhibits the absorption of calcium, calcium can also be seen as protecting the oxalic acid from being absorbed. Generally this is an irritating substance which stimulates digestive secretions.
    • Citric and Tartaric Acid - the former is found in citrus, fruits of members of the Rose family, and raspberries. Both cleanse the mouth and reduce bacterial infection.
    • Formic Acid - a defense mechanism used by ants and stinging nettles. Irritant when injected under the skin.

  • Acrids - in mustard, radish, horseradish. Have a bitter, hot sensation when eaten.
  • Latex is "found in nature is a milky fluid found in 10% of all flowering plants (angiosperms). It is a complex emulsion consisting of proteins, alkaloids, starches, sugars, oils, tannins, resins, and gums that coagulates on exposure to air."

    Latex is used as a defensive mechanism of plants. "Other evidence is that latex contains 50–1000 higher concentrations of defense substances than other plant tissues. These toxins include ones that are also toxic to the plant and consist of a diverse range of chemicals that are either poisonous or "antinutritive"."

    It should be noted that latex though latex is released when the bark is lightly cut, it is not the same as sap. "The sap runs deeper inside the tree, beneath the cambium. Latex runs in the latex ducts which are in a layer immediately outside the cambium."

    It can be made into rubber with vulcanization or by mixtures with substances like morning glory seeds. (This is how the ancient mayans made bouncy balls.)

  • Alkaloids - nitrogen containing molecules that have a very basic pH. When going through accelerated growth, the plant produces more alkaloids which are all throughout the plant, particularly in the sap. There are over 5,000 types known. Many produce a strong reaction in the nervous system.

    • Indole alkaloids
    • Quinoline alkaloids
    • Isoquinoline alkaloids
    • Purine alkaloids
    • Pyrrolidine and Tropane alkaloids
    • Pyridine and Piperdine alkaloids
    • Pyrrolizidine and Quinolizidine alkaloids
    • Terpenoid alkaloids

  • Volatile or Essential Oils

    • Alcohol
    • Aldehydes
    • Coumarins
    • Esters
    • Ethers
    • Ketones
    • Oxides
    • Phenols
    • Sulfurs
    • Terpenes
  • Resins
  • Bitters
  • Gelatin

Eeck! I will have to finish the rest another time :)

Monday, August 15

whispers by visage


by Visage (you've heard them from "Fade to Grey") This video is so neat.

Sunday, August 14

wood sculptures by paul sivell

I thoroughly enjoy these wood sculptures



Sunday, August 7

send me an angel

Yeah, I would like one :-).


I love the weird stuff...

Tuesday, August 2

fillings




This is scary. This is perhaps the stupidest thing in the world. Who would think of putting mercury in one's mouth, so that you always carry it with you - although it is one of the most toxic elements known to man, and can't even be disposed of in a waste basket? I am getting these removed from my mouth asap. Ugh, can't believe they put these in me as a kid. Where's the common sense in science these days?

Monday, August 1

Anubis or a lion-pharaoh?

This is a super cool article, making the case that the new head on the Sphinx is not a lion but Anubis, Guardian of the Necropolis. So, so cool! I want this book.


fruitarianism

I recently wrote to a friend with resources about fruitarianism. I'd like to share them here.

First off, read "80/10/10" by Dr Douglas Graham. This is sort of, the foundational text.

I began off by reading the works of early Natural Hygienists. Famous ones like Arnold Ehret died suspiciously making some believe that he was killed rather than prove the health benefits of this diet. Some articles are here: www.rawfoodexplained.com/science.html. This is an absolutely excellent resource. I haven't read through everything, but I particularly liked the way they explained fermented and cooked food as pre-rotted for you, and no longer living.

I enjoy the videos of Freelee & Durianrider who run the online forum www.30bananasaday.com/ (aka 30bad) which I frequent often. They're very in your face but they're passionate about what they believe in. Don't let it put you off if you don't dig it though.

Michael Arnstein is a competitive runner who feels the diet has lead to great improvements in his performance.

David Klein is a Hygienic Doctor and PhD who uses this diet to cure Colitis and Crohns. He has some great books and an inspiring personal story as well.

I'm sure there are a lot of other great resources out there. These are the ones that did it for me.

Wednesday, July 27

House of Numbers

This is absolutely a fascinating documentary. Watch this now if you think you know everything (anything?) about HIV.

"Because its been surrounded by Day 1 with so much emotion so much fear so much psychology so much drama, very few people can look at AIDS logically."

I feel like few people feel they know much about what AIDS is, but they are aware of the energy of deep fear that surrounds it. Is it possible this is some type of control tactic? How honest has our scientific community and government been about telling us all we need to know? Before I say more... I could not say it better than what is written on some of the articles online. And you really need to see this documentary.


There was a time when I imagined medical research as an idealized endeavor, carried out by scientists interested only in truth. Up close, it turns out to be much like any other human enterprise, riven with envy, ambition and the standard jockeying for position. Labs and universities depend on grants, and grantmaking is fickle, subject to the vagaries of politics and intellectual fashion, and prone to favor scientists whose work grips the popular imagination. Every disease has champions who gather the data and proclaim the threat it poses. The cancer fighters will tell you that their crisis is deepening, and more research money is urgently needed. Those doing battle with malaria make similar pronouncements, as do those working on TB, and so on, and so on. If all their claims are added together, you wind up with a theoretical global death toll that "exceeds the number of humans who die annually by two- to threefold," said Christopher Murray, a World Health Organization director.

Rian Malan in his article AIDS in Africa In Search of the Truth (Rolling Stone 2001)


“We can be exposed to HIV many times without being chronically infected. Our immune system will get rid of the virus within a few weeks, if you have a good immune system.”

Dr. Luc Montagnier, 2008 Nobel Prize winner for discovering HIV


My education in the complexities of the ELISA test started when I came across an article in a scientific journal published last year. It told a story that began in 1994, when researchers ran HIV tests on 184 high-risk subjects in a South African mining camp. Twenty-one of the subjects came up positive or borderline positive on at least one ELISA. But the results were confusing: A locally manufactured test indicated seven, but different people in almost every case. A French test declared fourteen were infected.

It seemed something was confounding the tests, and the prime suspect was plasmodium falciparum, one of the parasites that causes malaria: Of the twenty-one subjects who tested positive, sixteen had had recent malaria infections and huge levels of antibody in their veins. The researchers tried an experiment: They formulated a preparation that absorbed the malaria antibodies, treated the blood samples with it, then retested them. Eighty percent of the suspected HIV infections vanished.

Rian Malan in his article AIDS in Africa In Search of the Truth (Rolling Stone 2001)


There is strong evidence that the HIV test you took is very often wrong. We have found over fifty different scientific studies listing seventy non-HIV conditions that can make the test produce false positive results. Depending on which test you took, they have been proven to be wrong as much as 90% of the time, and could be wrong 100% of the time. So you might not be HIV-positive at all.

- HelpforHIV.com


In Africa, HIV status is irrelevant. Even if you test negative, you can be called an AIDS patient:

From a study in Ghana: “Our attention is now focused on the considerably large number (59%) of the seronegative (HIV-negative) group who were clinically diagnosed as having AIDS. All the patients had three major signs: weight loss, prolonged diarrhea, and chronic fever.” (Lancet. October,1992)

Knowing is Beautiful: the Hidden Face of HIV by Liam Scheff


Start questioning. Why have we assumed this all to be true? Maybe it's not even remotely true. The video even says there is no evidence to say its sexually linked. It's an excellent documentary and poses a lot of questions that demand answering before we make the assumptions we are already making. Watch this!

Monday, July 25

Where is everyone?



I thoroughly enjoyed this video on the fundamental question of extra terrestrial life. And he goes even more in depth here, where he talks about the Great Filter. First, read this whole section on the Fermi paradox.


The critical feature of the Fermi paradox is that in terms of TIME & SCALE, we should already see e-t life. Because, "there are an estimated 200–400 billion stars in the Milky Way and 70 sextillion in the visible universe." and the universe is 13.7 billion years old.


I like how they wrote this. It boils down to essentially this...


The Fermi paradox can be asked in two ways. The first is, "Why are no aliens or their artifacts physically here?" If interstellar travel is possible, even the "slow" kind nearly within the reach of Earth technology, then it would only take from 5 million to 50 million years to colonize the galaxy.[11] This is a relatively small amount of time on a geological scale, let alone a cosmological one. Since there are many stars older than the Sun, or since intelligent life might have evolved earlier elsewhere, the question then becomes why the galaxy has not been colonized already. Even if colonization is impractical or undesirable to all alien civilizations, large-scale exploration of the galaxy is still possible; the means of exploration and theoretical probes involved are discussed extensively below. However, no signs of either colonization or exploration have been generally acknowledged.



The argument above may not hold for the universe as a whole, since travel times may well explain the lack of physical presence on Earth of alien inhabitants of far away galaxies. However, the question then becomes "Why do we see no signs of intelligent life?" since a sufficiently advanced civilization[Note 1] could potentially be observable over a significant fraction of the size of the observable universe.[12] Even if such civilizations are rare, the scale argument indicates they should exist somewhere at some point during the history of the universe, and since they could be detected from far away over a considerable period of time, many more potential sites for their origin are within range of our observation. However, no incontrovertible signs of such civilizations have been detected.



It is unclear which version of the paradox is stronger


Now the Great Filter from what I understand, is some hypothesis that there is a most critical test, that should we not pass, we cannot be labelled at "expanding lasting life". This is a very odd hypothesis to me, because all things begin and end, so I'm not sure why they assume there is some final obstacle we must cross to see if we are really viable in this universe. But either way, from one perspective, it appears there are obstacles - for a single celled organism to turn into a multi celled one, we assume that it has reached the next level, and is a higher, more intelligent being as a result of it.


I like how he ends the Great Filter video though, noting that "it's entirely possible no one really knows we're here." When he said that, it took loneliness to a whole other level. What if there is a community of extra-terrestrial beings out there... who are completely focused on another section of the sky. They forgot to check here, or they find it improbable that we would exist? But if they knew, they would be able to contact us right away. Wow, what a strange thing to think of.


With that... good night :)

Star Of The Sea

 









Star Of The Sea by Stellamara



I've been lucky to stumble on this album by Stellamara, "Star Of The Sea". It's melodic and euphoric. Apparently it "draws on the most arcane and ancient melodies from 13th and 15th century Galacia, Croatia, and Persia"... another plus for me. :)

Friday, July 22

enka by Jero

Wow, this is definitely the coolest thing since sliced bread (cept that sliced bread aint very cool).



Last time, I talked about Enka and black people... and wha la... you might imagine how surprised I was to see Jero walk up to the stage. Really a wondrous thing though. He's my new favorite Enka singer. Just stunning. And the guts to stick out like that... is thrilling and inspiring and beautiful to see. I'm just happy all around. Can't wait to dig through his songs now.

Saturday, July 16



I like this style of music, called Enka.


I love the way Wu-Tang throws those old tracks into the background of their songs, and in their videos, they set the tone for desperation. Like in the video linked above, it's winter and its NJ. There are scenes of them driving down NJ lanes, getting warm around trash cans. It's really like that. I remember taking the train from my town in NJ up through to NYC and passing by quite a few abandoned buildings were you could see large gatherings of gangsters all wearing the same headbands. This was mainly around Newark, which is quite a spooky place. But I remember my mom once got lost around there, and it was early morning. And she asked some man warming his hands around a fire outside how to get back to a highway. She was completely stunned by his niceness. She said much nicer than anyone would ever be in the areas she was going to, where people were wealthier and wouldn't even pay you the time of day unless you had something to give THEM.


I don't know this man, but I'm suspecting his heart just cracked open under the surrender of his condition. Who knows, really. He could easily be an alcoholic and criminal by night. But by day, he might just return back to this supreme niceness. It's all very puzzling, the way people develop given their circumstances.


I think there is a real heart in Newark. I've always been oddly drawn there, even though it's scared me to death. In fact, I remember lying at home in NJ and pondering about how close I was to Newark and how much that scared me. It was brutal there, the night and the winter. What does that do to people? What would that do to me? I'm all fluffy and weak. I only gain strength when I'm being watered and shined upon properly, like any other plant.


My memories are distinct - my first experiences were waiting on long lines to get Visas to go out of country there with my family as a kid. You'd wait outside and the wait for hours for the doors to open. They'd only let in so many people. This would actually help ensure you'd be out of there as soon as possible. As you'd wait, gangsters would come harass you and ask for money. Around that little part of town was the only section where there were any white people. Outside of that, you'd stick out like a foreigner. And the fact that it was dangerous was no understatement. A friend of mine went to university in Newark and they had to be on campus by 6pm and the gates would lock to keep them safe.


But what is it like for the residents there? They probably have a very different perspective. They probably have a lot more street smarts. I'm not sure really.


Well anyway, back to this song too, I don't know if its just that spooky back track, but it also reminds me of NY. In a lovely darkness, in winter, in its glamour and very large painfulness. Everyone involved is also everything in it. If you really love NY and then you must really love all of it.