I like this style of music, called Enka.

I love the way Wu-Tang throws those old tracks into the background of their songs, and in their videos, they set the tone for desperation. Like in the video linked above, it's winter and its NJ. There are scenes of them driving down NJ lanes, getting warm around trash cans. It's really like that. I remember taking the train from my town in NJ up through to NYC and passing by quite a few abandoned buildings were you could see large gatherings of gangsters all wearing the same headbands. This was mainly around Newark, which is quite a spooky place. But I remember my mom once got lost around there, and it was early morning. And she asked some man warming his hands around a fire outside how to get back to a highway. She was completely stunned by his niceness. She said much nicer than anyone would ever be in the areas she was going to, where people were wealthier and wouldn't even pay you the time of day unless you had something to give THEM.

I don't know this man, but I'm suspecting his heart just cracked open under the surrender of his condition. Who knows, really. He could easily be an alcoholic and criminal by night. But by day, he might just return back to this supreme niceness. It's all very puzzling, the way people develop given their circumstances.

I think there is a real heart in Newark. I've always been oddly drawn there, even though it's scared me to death. In fact, I remember lying at home in NJ and pondering about how close I was to Newark and how much that scared me. It was brutal there, the night and the winter. What does that do to people? What would that do to me? I'm all fluffy and weak. I only gain strength when I'm being watered and shined upon properly, like any other plant.

My memories are distinct - my first experiences were waiting on long lines to get Visas to go out of country there with my family as a kid. You'd wait outside and the wait for hours for the doors to open. They'd only let in so many people. This would actually help ensure you'd be out of there as soon as possible. As you'd wait, gangsters would come harass you and ask for money. Around that little part of town was the only section where there were any white people. Outside of that, you'd stick out like a foreigner. And the fact that it was dangerous was no understatement. A friend of mine went to university in Newark and they had to be on campus by 6pm and the gates would lock to keep them safe.

But what is it like for the residents there? They probably have a very different perspective. They probably have a lot more street smarts. I'm not sure really.

Well anyway, back to this song too, I don't know if its just that spooky back track, but it also reminds me of NY. In a lovely darkness, in winter, in its glamour and very large painfulness. Everyone involved is also everything in it. If you really love NY and then you must really love all of it.